Libraries...

[anotherusedpage]

Well, it did take me a whole year and a third, but I've done the Library Thing again. The Thing where your books are overdue so you don't wanna go to the library because you'll have to face up to the fact that your books are overdue and you've been bad and the librarian will look at you so you avoid the library altogether so your books become even more overdue so you have even greater fear of going to the library...

I still have books that I haven't returned to local libraries in both Tottenham and Essex, as well as two of my three school libraries. At sixth form the problem didn't arrise because I avoided the library altogether because I had such fear of forgetting to return the books.

I have fear of libraries anyway, of misfiling the books or spilling things on them or various other things. Its partly fear of things that are in order and organised. If they're in order you can fuck it up. If there is chaos it doesn't matter, you might even be able to improve things. But if it's all in the correct place, then I might... knock over the shelves, or manage to accidentally set the place on fire or something else... and there are all these shiny lovely books which if I touch I know are going to break or fall apart or get lost... and I don't wanna hurt the books because they're books and shiny and they make the world a better place.

It's like the fear of accidentally on purpose jumping out in front of buses because there's nothing stopping you. Or dropping your baby sister down the stairs. The fact that you've had the thought, that you're capable of it, even if it would be accidentally, means that you are BAD and you shouldn't get to play with the shiny bus/baby/books / whatever else it happens to be.

Plus the silence always makes me want to shout rude words at the top of my voice or scream or sing (or just sing Jerry Springer - The Opera which pretty much achieves all three at once...)

But 'please miss, I didn't write an essay this week because I hadn't returned my library books' doesn't really quite cut it. So I have to go to the library. Yes.


... or I could just use Projekt Gutenberg.

Comments

[herringprincess.livejournal.com]

I thought that was a Kat special. She will just let them get more and more overdue through fear of having the librarian glare at her. And she'd never let me return them for her.
I get the shiny books/bus/baby feelings, although I tend to be ok with libraries for some reason. Hmmm.
Good luck, anyway!

[ladydewinter.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling. It happened to me twice when I was a teenager - I had a bunch of books and they were late and I didn't return them for no sensible reason whatsoever. The first time (I think I was - actually I don't think I was a teenager. I was 11 or 12?) my parents paid the fee for me and I wasn't allowed to go to the library for over a year. The second time the librarians and I made a deal that I could pay it off little by little, so I wouldn't get into trouble with my parents. That was nice.

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

I hate to tell you this now... but Adam says you can renew them online *ducks*

[synergetic.livejournal.com]

*Looks up at overdue book library book with very large fine*

I don't do that, oh no... not me...

I've learnt to cope with taking new and shiny things and using them. At least, I learn to take a book and read it without damaging it's cover overmuch and if it does get damaged, this is not the end. I've no idea how, but I have.

[midnightmelody.livejournal.com]

Oh good, I was worried there might be some people in Oxford who didn't know about that habit of mine . . . ;)

[herringprincess.livejournal.com]

Oh you know, just upholding your good name :-P Just in case there was any doubt over you having an over-active guilt-complex.

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

You mentioned it yourself in an unlocked post on LJ once, so everyone around here knows anyway, hon.
xx

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

Now, at my current local library I've managed to get banned under both my own name and my mother's...

[midnightmelody.livejournal.com]

*spots an unfilled niche for an LJ-comm of library avoiders*

To be fair, the last time I took *very* overdue books back, the library assistant was very co-conspiratorial and kind, to the extent that I almost married him.

[pink-potato.livejournal.com]

I have that exact problem. I managed to avoid going into the library at my school for 3 years because of it. Fortunately I also loose any library cards that I have so the temptation to borrow books isn't so bad.

Gah, Jerry Springer the Opera sogoodomg.

[sea-bright.livejournal.com]

You can at least console yourself with the fact that you understand the concept of libraries and have a vague understanding of how they work. I was in the town library the other week, and there was a girl in the queue in front of me who was asked to pay a fine of over a fiver on a couple of books. She seemed rather perplexed by this, and asked how much she had to pay to borrow books. The librarian - also slightly perplexed - explained that there was no charge for books in general, but only when they were overdue. She showed her the label in the front of the book with the library date-stamps on it, and said that the book should have been either returned or renewed by the lastest date there. To which the girl replied 'Oh, sorry - I didn't know.' By the sounds of it English wasn't her first language (I think she was French), but still...