on the third day of Christmas
Dec. 4th, 2005 03:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anotherusedpageWarning for very slight hints of m/m, mostly canon not slash.
‘That should have fixed it. Try it again.’
Briefly, there was a familiar whirring, and the world began to fade out of existence around them. Then, there a disconcerting noise that sounded rather like metal and electronics being tortured. Then there was a shudder, and a bang, and all the lights went out.
Jack swore.
‘I said it wasn’t the quantum-couplings,’ the Doctor said, from underneath the console. ‘Didn’t I say it wasn’t the quantum couplings? You’ve only gone and made it worse. You nearly fused my sonic screwdriver!’ He sat up too fast and hit his head on the control panel. Rose stifled a laugh. The only light was coming from the static sparks that danced in his hair.
‘Well, how was I supposed to know if I rerouted the conduit it would blow like that?’ Jack said defensively. ‘This thing isn’t rigged up like anything else I’ve ever seen.’
‘Which is why you shouldn’t be trying your fancy-schmancy tricks to fix it,’ the Doctor snapped. The light from his hair was fading fast.
‘Can someone turn the lights back on, or is the power totally gone?’ Rose interrupted quickly. Jack flicked some switches. Nothing happened. The Doctor stood up, hit the console with a closed fist. There was a worrying clunk and a small, round, metal thing rolled out across the floor. Rose picked it up.
‘Do you think it does anything important?’ she said.
‘Not sure, actually,’ the Doctor said. Jack sighed.
‘When I fantasised about spending several hours in a darkened room with the two of you, this wasn’t quite what I had in mind,’ he muttered. ‘The door’s not jammed, is it? We’d better let some daylight in.’
He stumbled his way over to the door and wrenched it open.
Outside was streaming sunlight, and sand. Jack blinked.
‘Hang on, we’ve moved,’ he said, and then frowned. ‘Where are we?’
The Doctor came and peered over his shoulder.
‘I don’t recognise it,’ he said. ‘And believe me, there are very few whens and wheres that I don’t recognise.’
‘Just wonderful,’ Rose groaned.’
‘I think we’re in a future that isn’t going to happen,’ the Doctor said slowly.
And then the sound of gunfire began.
Rose ducked back inside the TARDIS, and the Doctor hit the floor. Jack stepped forward and drew his gun.
‘Don’t!’ Rose yelled. ‘You don’t know who’s fighting who! You might shoot the wrong people.’
‘She has a point,’ the Doctor said, one eyebrow arched.
Jack stopped where he was, and shrugged, but he didn’t holster his gun, and he didn’t duck down.
There was the sound of whooping, and running feet. Two men and a woman danced into view, looking back over their shoulders and firing as they went. Then, one of the men turned around, swore, and aimed to fire.
Jack got there first, neatly blasting the gun out of his hands. The man stopped dead, and fell to his knees.
‘Jack!’ Rose said accusingly.
‘He pulled a gun on us! I was supposed to let him shoot? Anyway, I didn’t hurt him. Just disarmed him…’
‘He looks hurt to me,’ Rose said. ‘And they were clearly the good guys, they were running away.’
‘That just makes them the losing guys,’ Jack said.
‘It doesn’t necessarily even make them that,’ the Doctor pointed out.
‘Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!’ one of the men was calling. ‘We’re not out to cause any more trouble there’s been more than enough trouble for one day…’ he stopped, looking Jack up and down, his eyes lingering on the ancient military jacket. ‘Hey, this is a bit of a long-shot,’ he said, ‘But… I’d say your coat was kinda a brownish colour,’ he said.
‘I think it’s more green, sir,’ the woman muttered.
‘Green, brown, it’s whatever colour you want it to be, baby,’ Jack said. The man and the woman looked at each other in confusion.
‘Its khaki, actually,’ Rose said with a glare. Jack ignored her.
‘Hi, I’m Captain Jack Harkness,’ he said with that smile. Rose rolled her eyes.
‘Captain Malcom Reynolds,’ Mal said. ‘This is my first mate Zoe, and that,’ he jerked his head backwards, ‘is Jayne. Jayne, get up!’ The big man didn’t move. Mal sighed in irritation, and went back to him.
‘You’ve not gotten yourself shot have you?’ he said. There was no response. ‘Hey, Jayne are you ok?’ he asked, more gently.
Jayne looked up, and his eyes were wide and welling with tears.
‘It’s Vera!’ he said wildly. ‘That ben tian sheng de yi dui rou [1] shot Vera!’
Mal shook his head, and bent down to inspect the gun.
‘Looks ok, Jayne,’ he said. Jayne shook his head frantically.
‘He’s got some kind of energy weapon. There’s not a scratch on her, but she’s dead Mal!’ His lower lip wobbled, but he held up bravely.
Mal picked the gun up, squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened. Mal frowned. Jayne gave a watery smile.
‘She’s customised to my grip, Mal, she would never have fired for you,’ he said with a sniff. ‘My girl was always faithful…’ He covered his face with his hands.
Mal tactfully looked away.
‘Won’t Kaylee be able to fix it?’ he said. Jayne made an obvious effort to control himself.
‘Kaylee’s a sweet little mechanic, but you can’t fix a beauty like Vera on instinct and talent. You need… know-how. And equipment. And don’t bother telling me to take her in to the folks on Persephone, you need central-planet stuff for a girl like Vera.’
Jayne looked up at Mal with puppyish eyes. Mal sighed.
‘We’re not risking the central planets for the sake of a gun, Jayne,’ he said. Jayne’s face fell.
‘Umm, excuse me,’ said the Doctor. ‘I hate to interrupt, but did you say something about a mechanic? Only we could really use a mechanic right about now.’
Jayne and Mal turned to glare at him.
‘Sir,’ Zoe said firmly, ‘We don’t have time for any of this. We should get off this planet before someone notices those guards we shot.’
Jayne looked thoughtful.
‘If we leave these gun-murdering bastards stranded here, feds might pick ‘em up instead of us.’ He grinned maliciously. ‘I hear this dirt-ball of a rock has underground prisons where you can go for years without ever seeing the light of day.’
Rose frowned in anxiety. The Doctor rolled his eyes.
Jack went over and knelt down beside Jayne.
‘It’s a Callahan fullbore autolock, right?’ he said gently. Jayne scowled. ‘She’s got some nice touches to her.’ Jayne stared at the floor, looking almost like he had accepted the compliment. Zoe glared at Mal in exhasperation, but Mal waved her aside.
‘I would never have damaged such a beauty if you hadn’t been aiming her straight at me,’ Jack said seriously. ‘Can I see her? I might be able to put her right.’
Jayne looked torn. Jack smiled, and drew something from his back pocket. ‘Look, you take this. It’s mine. You recognise it, don’t you?’ Jayne’s eyes widened. He reached out involuntarily, but stopped himself before touching the tiny gun.
‘Is that…?’
‘Yup.’
‘From the fifty-first century?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Thought they’d be bigger.’
Jack cocked an eyebrow.
‘You do know size isn’t everything, right? They’re pretty damn powerful.’ Jayne reached out, and took it from Jack’s hand. ‘It’s not locked,’ Jack said. ‘You can fire it.’
Jayne looked up at Mal for permission, but Mal shook his head.
‘No more gunfire,’ he said. Jayne looked sulky. His lower lip trembled. After a long moment, he handed Vera over to Jack.
‘You best treat her with the respect she deserves,’ he demanded.
‘Of course,’ Jack said. He looked the gun over with a critical eye. ‘I can fix her,’ he said. Jayne’s face crumpled with relief. ‘I can fix her, but,’ Jack continued, ‘I’ll only do it if your captain will lend us his mechanic.’
Impassively, Jayne levelled the gun at Mal’s chest. ‘Better do what the nice man wants, Mal,’ he said dangerously.
‘Jayne, don’t you ever point a weapon at me,’ Mal said quietly. Their eyes locked. ‘It wasn’t me that was planning on stranding them here, remember?’
Slowly, Jayne lowered the gun.
‘Alright, Mal. No offence meant,’ he said. ‘I’m a bit stressed out. Makes me jumpy.’
‘Yes. Well. If you’re going to be jumpy, put the gun down,’ Mal said.
Jack reached out a hand for it, but Jayne put it in his own holster.
‘As long as you’ve got Vera, I’m keeping this baby hostage,’ he said.
*
Jack put Vera down on Simon’s operating table, switched on the overhead light, and went to work.
‘Oooooh,’ said Kaylee, ‘Is that a sonic screwdriver?’
‘Yeah,’ said the Doctor. ‘It can resonate concrete, y’know.’
‘Those are real rare, captain!’ Kaylee said, her eyes shining with excitement. ‘You can only get them from the best tech joints on the inner planets. I’ve never seen a real one before.’
‘Fix my TARDIS up, and you can keep this one,’ the Doctor promised.
‘Kaylee can fix anything. Best mechanic in the ‘verse,’ Mal said. Jayne nodded agreement.
‘But not til you’ve patched up my girl,’ he insisted.
‘Almost done,’ Jack muttered. He looked up. ‘I can increase the firing speed, if you like, put a bit more power on it.’ Jayne sighed in rapture.
‘You do know how to make a man happy,’ the Doctor muttered under his breath.
*
Kaylee’s hands were covered with something that felt like engine-grease but glowed like fairy dust. Her heart raced, and her soul sang with joy. This was an engine like no other, and it spoke to her, deep down inside.
She bent over the TARDIS’s console, and the Doctor bent over beside her. Jack’s gaze went from one arse to another, and then back again. ‘Good show, huh?’ he said to Jayne, with a flashy smile.
‘She’s got a nice pair of legs on her, don’t she?’ Jayne agreed. Jack nodded.
‘So does he,’ he said appreciatively. Jayne stared at him. For a long moment, he looked like he was trying to figure this out.
‘I’ll be in my bunk,’ he said eventually.
Jack thought twice about offering to keep him company.
*
[1] Stupid inbred stack of meat (from “Trash”)
Fandoms: Dr Who, Firefly
Disclaimer: Firefly belongs to Joss. This version of Dr Who mostly belongs to Russel T Davis.
AN: Inspired by yesterdays car-breakdown-incident. Forwolf_cat who not only requested Kaylee/TARDIS, but is also the inspiration behind the Jayne/Vera.
I forget exactly when Firefly is supposed to be set; Jayne's comment about recognising a fifty-first century gun is based on the assumption that Firefly is even further in the future than the fifty-first century.
‘That should have fixed it. Try it again.’
Briefly, there was a familiar whirring, and the world began to fade out of existence around them. Then, there a disconcerting noise that sounded rather like metal and electronics being tortured. Then there was a shudder, and a bang, and all the lights went out.
Jack swore.
‘I said it wasn’t the quantum-couplings,’ the Doctor said, from underneath the console. ‘Didn’t I say it wasn’t the quantum couplings? You’ve only gone and made it worse. You nearly fused my sonic screwdriver!’ He sat up too fast and hit his head on the control panel. Rose stifled a laugh. The only light was coming from the static sparks that danced in his hair.
‘Well, how was I supposed to know if I rerouted the conduit it would blow like that?’ Jack said defensively. ‘This thing isn’t rigged up like anything else I’ve ever seen.’
‘Which is why you shouldn’t be trying your fancy-schmancy tricks to fix it,’ the Doctor snapped. The light from his hair was fading fast.
‘Can someone turn the lights back on, or is the power totally gone?’ Rose interrupted quickly. Jack flicked some switches. Nothing happened. The Doctor stood up, hit the console with a closed fist. There was a worrying clunk and a small, round, metal thing rolled out across the floor. Rose picked it up.
‘Do you think it does anything important?’ she said.
‘Not sure, actually,’ the Doctor said. Jack sighed.
‘When I fantasised about spending several hours in a darkened room with the two of you, this wasn’t quite what I had in mind,’ he muttered. ‘The door’s not jammed, is it? We’d better let some daylight in.’
He stumbled his way over to the door and wrenched it open.
Outside was streaming sunlight, and sand. Jack blinked.
‘Hang on, we’ve moved,’ he said, and then frowned. ‘Where are we?’
The Doctor came and peered over his shoulder.
‘I don’t recognise it,’ he said. ‘And believe me, there are very few whens and wheres that I don’t recognise.’
‘Just wonderful,’ Rose groaned.’
‘I think we’re in a future that isn’t going to happen,’ the Doctor said slowly.
And then the sound of gunfire began.
Rose ducked back inside the TARDIS, and the Doctor hit the floor. Jack stepped forward and drew his gun.
‘Don’t!’ Rose yelled. ‘You don’t know who’s fighting who! You might shoot the wrong people.’
‘She has a point,’ the Doctor said, one eyebrow arched.
Jack stopped where he was, and shrugged, but he didn’t holster his gun, and he didn’t duck down.
There was the sound of whooping, and running feet. Two men and a woman danced into view, looking back over their shoulders and firing as they went. Then, one of the men turned around, swore, and aimed to fire.
Jack got there first, neatly blasting the gun out of his hands. The man stopped dead, and fell to his knees.
‘Jack!’ Rose said accusingly.
‘He pulled a gun on us! I was supposed to let him shoot? Anyway, I didn’t hurt him. Just disarmed him…’
‘He looks hurt to me,’ Rose said. ‘And they were clearly the good guys, they were running away.’
‘That just makes them the losing guys,’ Jack said.
‘It doesn’t necessarily even make them that,’ the Doctor pointed out.
‘Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!’ one of the men was calling. ‘We’re not out to cause any more trouble there’s been more than enough trouble for one day…’ he stopped, looking Jack up and down, his eyes lingering on the ancient military jacket. ‘Hey, this is a bit of a long-shot,’ he said, ‘But… I’d say your coat was kinda a brownish colour,’ he said.
‘I think it’s more green, sir,’ the woman muttered.
‘Green, brown, it’s whatever colour you want it to be, baby,’ Jack said. The man and the woman looked at each other in confusion.
‘Its khaki, actually,’ Rose said with a glare. Jack ignored her.
‘Hi, I’m Captain Jack Harkness,’ he said with that smile. Rose rolled her eyes.
‘Captain Malcom Reynolds,’ Mal said. ‘This is my first mate Zoe, and that,’ he jerked his head backwards, ‘is Jayne. Jayne, get up!’ The big man didn’t move. Mal sighed in irritation, and went back to him.
‘You’ve not gotten yourself shot have you?’ he said. There was no response. ‘Hey, Jayne are you ok?’ he asked, more gently.
Jayne looked up, and his eyes were wide and welling with tears.
‘It’s Vera!’ he said wildly. ‘That ben tian sheng de yi dui rou [1] shot Vera!’
Mal shook his head, and bent down to inspect the gun.
‘Looks ok, Jayne,’ he said. Jayne shook his head frantically.
‘He’s got some kind of energy weapon. There’s not a scratch on her, but she’s dead Mal!’ His lower lip wobbled, but he held up bravely.
Mal picked the gun up, squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened. Mal frowned. Jayne gave a watery smile.
‘She’s customised to my grip, Mal, she would never have fired for you,’ he said with a sniff. ‘My girl was always faithful…’ He covered his face with his hands.
Mal tactfully looked away.
‘Won’t Kaylee be able to fix it?’ he said. Jayne made an obvious effort to control himself.
‘Kaylee’s a sweet little mechanic, but you can’t fix a beauty like Vera on instinct and talent. You need… know-how. And equipment. And don’t bother telling me to take her in to the folks on Persephone, you need central-planet stuff for a girl like Vera.’
Jayne looked up at Mal with puppyish eyes. Mal sighed.
‘We’re not risking the central planets for the sake of a gun, Jayne,’ he said. Jayne’s face fell.
‘Umm, excuse me,’ said the Doctor. ‘I hate to interrupt, but did you say something about a mechanic? Only we could really use a mechanic right about now.’
Jayne and Mal turned to glare at him.
‘Sir,’ Zoe said firmly, ‘We don’t have time for any of this. We should get off this planet before someone notices those guards we shot.’
Jayne looked thoughtful.
‘If we leave these gun-murdering bastards stranded here, feds might pick ‘em up instead of us.’ He grinned maliciously. ‘I hear this dirt-ball of a rock has underground prisons where you can go for years without ever seeing the light of day.’
Rose frowned in anxiety. The Doctor rolled his eyes.
Jack went over and knelt down beside Jayne.
‘It’s a Callahan fullbore autolock, right?’ he said gently. Jayne scowled. ‘She’s got some nice touches to her.’ Jayne stared at the floor, looking almost like he had accepted the compliment. Zoe glared at Mal in exhasperation, but Mal waved her aside.
‘I would never have damaged such a beauty if you hadn’t been aiming her straight at me,’ Jack said seriously. ‘Can I see her? I might be able to put her right.’
Jayne looked torn. Jack smiled, and drew something from his back pocket. ‘Look, you take this. It’s mine. You recognise it, don’t you?’ Jayne’s eyes widened. He reached out involuntarily, but stopped himself before touching the tiny gun.
‘Is that…?’
‘Yup.’
‘From the fifty-first century?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Thought they’d be bigger.’
Jack cocked an eyebrow.
‘You do know size isn’t everything, right? They’re pretty damn powerful.’ Jayne reached out, and took it from Jack’s hand. ‘It’s not locked,’ Jack said. ‘You can fire it.’
Jayne looked up at Mal for permission, but Mal shook his head.
‘No more gunfire,’ he said. Jayne looked sulky. His lower lip trembled. After a long moment, he handed Vera over to Jack.
‘You best treat her with the respect she deserves,’ he demanded.
‘Of course,’ Jack said. He looked the gun over with a critical eye. ‘I can fix her,’ he said. Jayne’s face crumpled with relief. ‘I can fix her, but,’ Jack continued, ‘I’ll only do it if your captain will lend us his mechanic.’
Impassively, Jayne levelled the gun at Mal’s chest. ‘Better do what the nice man wants, Mal,’ he said dangerously.
‘Jayne, don’t you ever point a weapon at me,’ Mal said quietly. Their eyes locked. ‘It wasn’t me that was planning on stranding them here, remember?’
Slowly, Jayne lowered the gun.
‘Alright, Mal. No offence meant,’ he said. ‘I’m a bit stressed out. Makes me jumpy.’
‘Yes. Well. If you’re going to be jumpy, put the gun down,’ Mal said.
Jack reached out a hand for it, but Jayne put it in his own holster.
‘As long as you’ve got Vera, I’m keeping this baby hostage,’ he said.
*
Jack put Vera down on Simon’s operating table, switched on the overhead light, and went to work.
‘Oooooh,’ said Kaylee, ‘Is that a sonic screwdriver?’
‘Yeah,’ said the Doctor. ‘It can resonate concrete, y’know.’
‘Those are real rare, captain!’ Kaylee said, her eyes shining with excitement. ‘You can only get them from the best tech joints on the inner planets. I’ve never seen a real one before.’
‘Fix my TARDIS up, and you can keep this one,’ the Doctor promised.
‘Kaylee can fix anything. Best mechanic in the ‘verse,’ Mal said. Jayne nodded agreement.
‘But not til you’ve patched up my girl,’ he insisted.
‘Almost done,’ Jack muttered. He looked up. ‘I can increase the firing speed, if you like, put a bit more power on it.’ Jayne sighed in rapture.
‘You do know how to make a man happy,’ the Doctor muttered under his breath.
*
Kaylee’s hands were covered with something that felt like engine-grease but glowed like fairy dust. Her heart raced, and her soul sang with joy. This was an engine like no other, and it spoke to her, deep down inside.
She bent over the TARDIS’s console, and the Doctor bent over beside her. Jack’s gaze went from one arse to another, and then back again. ‘Good show, huh?’ he said to Jayne, with a flashy smile.
‘She’s got a nice pair of legs on her, don’t she?’ Jayne agreed. Jack nodded.
‘So does he,’ he said appreciatively. Jayne stared at him. For a long moment, he looked like he was trying to figure this out.
‘I’ll be in my bunk,’ he said eventually.
Jack thought twice about offering to keep him company.
*
[1] Stupid inbred stack of meat (from “Trash”)
Fandoms: Dr Who, Firefly
Disclaimer: Firefly belongs to Joss. This version of Dr Who mostly belongs to Russel T Davis.
AN: Inspired by yesterdays car-breakdown-incident. For
wolf_cat who not only requested Kaylee/TARDIS, but is also the inspiration behind the Jayne/Vera. I forget exactly when Firefly is supposed to be set; Jayne's comment about recognising a fifty-first century gun is based on the assumption that Firefly is even further in the future than the fifty-first century.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 10:58 am (UTC)I am as one with my inner squee. That was damned shiny, that was.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 11:56 am (UTC)ok i took that a bit far didnt i? Please tell me you have more where taht came from?
no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 01:57 pm (UTC)*enjoys the fic anyway*
*goes away to read Wikipedia articles to find out who everyone is*
no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 02:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-04 02:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-07 02:39 pm (UTC)Kaylee/TARDIS is SO OTP. As is Jayne/Vera. (He does love that gun way too much.) And Jack/everyone in the universe! This is fabulous. *loves*
no subject
Date: 2005-12-07 04:05 pm (UTC)