anotherusedpage

I haven't updated this thing in a while. Uh, I had absolutely loads to say, but I don't now remember exactly what. Music tour was fun. Concert was also good. This weekend is the second part of my Grandmother's funeral, the stone setting, and so all my evil Zionist isreali cousins are going to be here. I'm going to have Zionist in my bed *shudder*. Zoe, the one who'll get my bed, is a settler in occupied territories. Nothing like spending time with people that you have nothing in common with and who's viewpoints are so alien to you that there's no level on which you can conect or agree or even really communicate. I find this especially odd as my other first cousins are as close to me as my brother and sister are - we all lived in the same house for huge chunks of time when I was younger. And of course they won't eat in our house, cos we don't keep Kosher, so we're having to buy loads of sealed food and plastic cutlery and plates and stuff. And the entire thing is just so unpleasent.

So, I've been tidying up my room. I also went shopping. I got loads of clothes from M and S on sale - a pair of jeans, a skirt, a pair of trousers and two tops - although mostly what I was after was bras. Had the same old problem as always of all the ones that were big enough and supportive enough to actually do anything at all looked more like industrial architecture than underwear. For some reason, as soon as they put lace and pretty bits on it, they stop bothering to think about how the thing actually holds your tits up. Because only girls with small boobs want pretty bras, clearly. But I did manage to find both plunge and multi-ways in my size and in styles that actually work. My mother (who was with me on account of how she was paying) kept pointing me in the direction of the minismisers. Because, yeah, the one thing about my figure that I actually like I should be trying to make dissapear, right? Clearly. Anyway, that's more than enough on the subject of underwear.

Clearing out for the cousins produced some interesting stuff, though. Pictures I'd drawn and school work I'd done aged about four, and some really rather disturbing stuff that I must have written at the age of fourteen or so, more disturbing than I remember wriuting at that age, and what's more it looks like I must've handed it in to my English teacher as a creative writing exercise, which was kinda freaky to look back on. Later that evening, clearing up at Grandpa's house produced old photos, my dad's primary school photos, and photos of his barmitzvah, and my parent's wedding, and some of me and my cousins aged two and three. Also one or two of my grandpa in the army, and my grandma when she was a model, and the original manuscript of the cookery book she had published. And one of my very VERY pacifist uncle Roland in the Cadets, in uniform and soluting the flag and everything. This amused me.

Oh, and Mods Results:

Modern Literature - 64

Victorian Literature - 58

Text, Context, Intertext - 58

Anglo Saxon - 72

This confuses me. TCI is about what I was expecting, but Victorian and Modern are both lower, and Anglo Saxon is considerably higher. Although that was the one I was convinced I was going to fail, and I did revise it the hardest.

So. I didn't fail. But I'd never had lower than 60 on any practice paper I'd done. And I dunno how I feel. I mean, everyone who's been saying to me that they think they've done badly has come out with a first. I didn't think I'd done particularly well, and I'm generally happy with a 2.1. But I worked hard, and I don't feel like I've got anything to show for it. Which is stupid, because a 2.1 is higher than I was expecting two weeks, or in fact even two days before the exams. And I thought I'd got over my feelings of inadequacy when I fucked up (ok, ok, didn't get straight As) for my A levels when my best friend managed five As. But I'm going round exactly the same loop again. And I keep getting moments of being thrilled about the Anglo Saxon, and then even that seems pointless because it's not a skill I need for finals, or in fact anything else in life. (Although my Viking's got an I-told-you-so smile.)

And my brother's in huge trouble at school. He's been bunking to the extent that they're threatening to prosecute my mother. And they've just started having a yelling match in the living room.

Umm. I'm sure there was more cheerful stuff than that. Heh. I don't remember it.