anotherusedpage: (Default)
[personal profile] anotherusedpage
I got bothered by a bloke on my way home yesterday. I'm fine, more bemused and angry than anything else. But... I dunno, I feel like 'for the record'ing these things is.... useful?


Was walking home from the station at around midnight. I do this probably three nights a week, sometimes with Rosie, sometimes on my own. This time, on my own.

A bloke is riding his bicycle along the pavement. He rides up level with me and starts going along at my pace. On the road side, blocking me in. And he says 'You can suck me off, if you like'.

'No. Thankyou.'

'For free. You can suck me off for free.'

'No. Thankyou. Mate.'

I pick up my pace, aware that this is completely futile cos he's on a fucking bike. I've got my keys out in my hand. I've actually got swiss army knife on me, but it's inaccessible in the bottom of my bag. I start thinking about how that will go against me if there's a court case: but she had a knife, if she'd wanted him to stop, she could have made him.

And I'm thinking, which line do I use? 'My partner wouldn't approve' or 'You're not my type', which I use on the tube, if there are witnesses, is too likely to lead to violence. I've called him 'mate', I've said, 'thankyou' - I don't want to insult him, I don't want to give him the excuse. We're all friends here. You don't rape your friends. Right?

I realise I am more angry that I've been polite to him than I am afraid. And... bemused. Does he ever actually pick up girls like this? Presumably not. He must be doing this for the reaction. Another reason for 'mate', I need him to know he hasn't scared me, that whatever he's trying to get out of this, I'm not a fucking victim. You ain't gonna get off on my fear, arsehole. You ain't gonna see that I'm intimidated.

I pick up my pace even more - fucking bicycle, but I'm nearly home. He lets me overtake him, calls after me...

'I can give you my number. You can call me. You can suck me off any time.'

'No. Thankyou. Mate.'

I consider telling him to fuck right off, but don't. I'm aware that I'm turning into my flats, which means that now he knows where I live.

I'm bizzarely unafraid. Not upset. Not like the first few times this ever happened to me. I feel completely blase about it. So much so that when Rosie says something to me as I come through the door, it goes right out of my mind and I don't even tell her about it until later.

But, also, angry that it's common enough that I've gotten used to it.



I'm actually wondering if it's worth going to the police. I know that research suggests that people escalate from that kind of verbal harassment and intimidation to much worse crimes.

Date: 2011-07-05 01:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oxfordgirl.livejournal.com
In your shoes I would go to the police, for the cumulative value if nothing else.

Love you.

Date: 2011-07-05 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noreaus.livejournal.com
Seconding oxfordgirl's comment, in my experience of talking to the police wrt stuff like this, they have been pretty grateful that you are giving them the chance to make a note of it. Cumulative value is important even if you never personally see any action taken from it. The physical intimidation as well as verbal, and the factor of being so close to your flat, pushes this into police-worthy territory for me.

Date: 2011-07-05 01:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mejoff.livejournal.com
What's the worst that could happen if you do go to the police?

Date: 2011-07-05 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anotherusedpage.livejournal.com
It will take time I do not have spare and spoons I do not have spare. If they are unhelpful, sexist or dimissive in their dealings with me it is not unlikely to lead to a depression spike, which the original incident has not triggered.

Date: 2011-07-05 02:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anotherusedpage.livejournal.com
but I've done it anyway. :)

Date: 2011-07-05 02:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mejoff.livejournal.com
Because, y'know, you're pretty awsome like that.

Date: 2011-07-05 04:39 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-07-07 02:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackcurrants.livejournal.com
yep, wot he said.
*hugs*

Date: 2011-07-05 05:34 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-07-05 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] westernind.livejournal.com
Good on you.
Camera phone also useful, unless you thinkg it might trigger violence. Also a top C in his lughole.

Date: 2011-07-05 08:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] furzepig.livejournal.com
Go you! You're awesome.

*Hugs*

Date: 2011-07-05 02:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arachnekallisti.livejournal.com
That's ghastly. Good on you for going to the police - can't have been at all easy, but I think the cumulative value will be a useful thing in the long run.

There is a hug for you if that would be a good thing.

Date: 2011-07-05 02:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liminereid.livejournal.com
My mate who works as a copper for the Met tells me I should report that kind of thing. I don't though. He is so lovely and sympathetic but he's not my local police he;'s my friend. Actually when i've called in about domestic violence my local police have been lovely and yet and I don't go. I'm not sure why.

Date: 2011-07-06 01:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anotherusedpage.livejournal.com
It was fine. They were fine. I will feel much more ok to do it again another time. They were much more thorough than I was expecting, checking what times I'd been where and tracking down CCTV footage. Much more bothered than the last time I actually bothered reported something like this, despite the fact that that was flashing, and I was like fifteen at the time...

The only unpleasant part was that they asked a load of questions like 'was he armed' 'did he grab your clothes' that kind of made me dwell on how much worse it could have been.

Date: 2011-07-06 03:01 pm (UTC)
glittertigger: (Default)
From: [personal profile] glittertigger
Well done for reporting it. I once reported an incidence of sexual harrassment in the street (in which a bloke actually reached out and grabbed my breast while I was walking along trying to ignore him) and was very impressed with how the police dealt with it.

Date: 2011-07-05 03:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cyanidemigraine.livejournal.com
what a total knob, hugs and sympathies to you, and whatever you choose to do about it, dont be too hard on yourself, your already a saint for not pushing him in front of a bus :)

Date: 2011-07-05 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lord-sandwich.livejournal.com
Reporting it was completely the right decision. Its awful that someone thinks they can get away with that sort of behaviour and awful that that happened to you. I know in your position I would have been pretty scared.

Date: 2011-07-05 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cannons-at-dawn.livejournal.com
Urgh. Glad you're unscathed and good on you for reporting it.

I realise I am more angry that I've been polite to him than I am afraid. And... bemused.

This tends to be my own reaction. (Has any girl in history / Said 'Sure, you seem so nice - let's get it on'?)

Date: 2011-07-05 07:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anotherusedpage.livejournal.com
I find the slightly less overtly awful marriage proposals on the tube almost harder to deal with because of that. It's like..... how are you this completely alien...

It made me so, so aware that the only thing in that circumstance that stopped me being a rape victim was his choice, on that occassion, not to be a rapist.

Date: 2011-07-05 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annifa.livejournal.com
God, awful. This happened to my friend Sian had this last week. It's so horrible.

Our local council is looking at getting street harassment classified as a hate crime, so reporting it is all good, to make the police realise it is an issue. xx

Date: 2011-07-06 10:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] logmplus1.livejournal.com
As others have said, that is very shit. *hug*

I'm glad you were able to go to the police about it, and very glad they were supportive.

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